Saturday, 20 October, 2018

Aston Villa play Fulham in the Championship Play-off Final, and should they win and gain promotion to the Premier League, former England captain, John Terry, has the option to extend his £80k per week deal for a further year.

However, according to The Guardian, he’ll only sign if he’s allowed to miss both games against former club Chelsea. What a twat. Who does that? You either play for them or you don’t. It’s something you’d expect from a nine-year-old.

Then again, maybe Terry is being revolutionary here. Maybe we’re entering a new contractual era where players will only play against the big six, but if you give them another £100k a week they’ll do their club a favour and play Brighton away on a Tuesday night.

Then again, maybe Terry is just being a wanker, and after all, he does have a history of it.

When Chelsea won the Champions League in 2012, John Terry lifted the trophy in full kit, shinpads ‘n all, despite playing no part in the final due to suspension. He watched on the sidelines suited and booted…

Frustration: Chelsea captain John Terry (centre) had to watch the Champions League final from the stands as he had been suspended after getting sent off in the semi-final

…before getting changed and lifting the trophy. Wanker.

From agony to ecstasy: Terry (centre) celebrates with the captain on the day, Frank Lampard (to his left), and his teammates after their sensational win against Bayern Munich on Saturday

Despite the barrage of abuse thrown his way, which should have been worse in my eyes, Terry did exactly the same thing a year later in the Europa League final; suited and booted on the sidelines before changing (again with shinpads) to lift the trophy. Wanker.

His finest on the field demonstration of pure wankery came during his final appearance for Chelsea. Terry organised for himself to be substituted in the 26th minute where he’d receive a guard of honour as he left the pitch.

He negotiated with then Sunderland manager David Moyes and Antonio Conte for the ball to be kicked out for a throw-in to allow the substitution to go ahead at the correct time. Organised by himself to pay tribute to himself. Double Wanker.

Turns out he’s a bit of a dick off the pitch too. In 2010, he famously had an affair with Wayne Bridge’s girlfriend, with Bridge and Terry being teammates and indeed good friends at the time. Need I say any more? Wanker.

Approaching his final years in football, Terry wanted to show off his captain’s armbands collected throughout his career…

I know what you’re thinking, that’s not too bad, something to be proud of. Not when you then go full Neil Buchanan and arrange them into the number 26 under the Christmas tree…

And if you believe the legend, he does this every year under the tree.

Why, John? Why? Wanker.

The man has no shame.

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